Tag Archives: Twitter

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-28

  • Even ten years dead, Charles Schulz remains the gold standard of comic strip creators. » http://comics.com/peanuts/2010-03-21/ #
  • A Geek's Sign of Spring: I plug my phone into the car dock & notice the cable is soft & flexible instead of cold and stiff. #
  • A Geek's Sign of Spring, #2 I remember that's it's time to buy the new season's edition of MLB At Bat for my iPhone. #
  • Okay, now I hate MLB At Bat 2010: it's just told me that Houston has scored a run against the Sox in their first at-bats. #
  • "Mr. Speaker, nowhere does this health-care bill mention deep-sea fishing rights…" #
  • Hey, the Speaker is gaveling with the skinny end of the hammer. Did he just UN-pass the healthcare bill? #
  • The healthcare bill has already improved the lives of Americans: it's knocked Justin Bieber off of the "Trending Topics" list. #
  • One fewer of them, one more of *us*: I'm about to take one of my Worthy and Deserving Aunts to the Apple Store to buy a MacBook. #
  • Watching "Colbert Report" and cringing. Interviewee doesn't know that trying to be as funny as Colbert never, EVER works. #
  • Getting set up for MacBreak Weekly. Watch live at http://live.twit.tv/ #
  • Man alive, is it ever raining. It's like the final act of "Unforgiven" out here. #
  • Is anyone using AOL dialup in Snow Leopard? AOL says its app works, but a forum message on Apple Support says no. #
  • I'm actually disappointed that I won't get to configure a PPP connection manually…second only to SLIP servers as a source of nostalgia. #
  • (Another Apple support forum message suggests that AOL dialup will work under 10.6 using a previous beta of the AOL app) #
  • Zaftigs appetizer: vegetarian chili. http://yfrog.com/bhvm0j #
  • Zaftigs main course: Cobb salad. http://yfrog.com/cctk9j #
  • This street performer was prob. unaware this is the week the city is filled with delegates from the Guild of Apathetic Idlers. #
  • Now on Suntimes: my 6 Rules for safely using a smartphone in your car. http://bit.ly/d54p0C #7 Don't use it as a makeup mirror. #
  • (Tip #8 don't read this column until after you've pulled into the driveway.) #
  • Seeing "Up" for the first time. God-damnit, Pixar…you've made me cry three times before 6 AM. That ain't fair. #
  • Got to the ending of "Up." So that's FOUR times. Go to hell, Pixar. :) #
  • I'm going to be on Clayton Morris' "Gadgets and Games" show at 3 PM Eastern. Watch live: http://live.foxnews.com/strategy-room #
  • This train has the coolest conductor. He looks like the sort of undercover assassin M warns 007 about during a mission briefing. #
  • Watching a bit of "The Hustler." I think a smart man would rather be as cool as Jackie Gleason than as handsome as Paul Newman. #
  • My appearance on @ClaytonMorris' "Gadgets and Games" show yesterday is now online! http://tinyurl.com/ydpjx7q #
  • Am currently one block from #PAX and closing fast. Finally! #
  • At #PAX Reminding myself that at a geek con, most people dressed as Jay or Silent Bob aren't cosplaying. #
  • What was going to be 2 or 3 hours at #pax turned into an hour or two of lunch with Scott Kurtz & pals. An excellent upgrade. #
  • Thought from #PAX I bet I could win a sword duel to the death, if my foe were armed with a 5'x1' slab of foam on a broom handle. #
  • Have belatedly realized that from the waist up, I was accidentally cosplaying Indiana Jones (fedora, jacket, shirt, satchel). #
  • Good, I can sneak back in to #PAX on Sunday afternoon. Hoping to bump into @majornelson and chat about Natal. #

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-21

  • If there's some job you don't want to do today, tell them "I did it. But you can't tell, 'cuz the hour I did it in disappeared." #
  • New on Ihnatko.com: The Ambitious Dilettante’s Guide To WordPress Site Design » http://bit.ly/bo06Q8 #
  • A tip for Australians: Americans are willing to buy a US iPad and mail it to you in exchange for beer. » http://bit.ly/c4wfmO #
  • New podcast ep up: talking with @ScottBourne about our iPad purchases. http://is.gd/aJ44u #
  • Setting up for MacBreak Weekly. Watch and listen live at http://live.twit.tv/ #
  • MacBreak going into extra innings…normally we'd have been done a half an hour ago. We're having extra fun today. :) #
  • We're paying much tribute to Jerry Lewis…today's his BIRRRRTHH-DAYYYYYYflavin!!!!!!!!!! #
  • MacBreak show is OVER, at 2 hours, 13 minutes! I speculate that there's a _certain_ amount of brilliance that can be safely excised. #
  • And so, Lord Andy proclaimed "Let the front door be thrown wide, and the screen installed in the storm door thereupon!" #
  • Now I know why I don't publsh many intrviews. The voices in my head are MUCH easier to transcribe than the voices on a recorder. #
  • Simple but handy Mac player/word processor for transcribing interviews: http://code.google.com/p/transcriptions/ #
  • I'm an idiot; of _course_ Scrivener also has a built-in transcription feature. It's the word processor that tries hard to be USEFUL! #
  • "Damn! JD Salinger died before he told anyone what he thought of 'Raiders Of The Lost Ark'!" Not so fast… http://bit.ly/bEKjzR #
  • Whew! 7500 words of transcribed & edited DC and Marvel Comics interviews are now in the hands of my poor, suffering editor. #
  • I know that tonight's "Office" was shot on greenscreen because the camera is trying too hard to prove it isn't on greenscreen. #
  • My big piece on the future of digital comic books, inc./Marvel & DC interviews, is now on Suntimes.com. » http://bit.ly/aHrPUx #
  • Grr. Making a minor tweak to comix column: realize it sounds like I'm saying "DC isn't even putting together a strategy," which isn't true. #
  • You know, I was a proud, confident man before I spent the evening trying to install alpha apps on simulated hardware… #
  • Happy Birthday, Mr. Rogers. Here's his gift to us, something we all should hear from time to time: http://to.pbs.org/4eXGuY #
  • Black shoes, pants, belt, golf shirt, sweater. Oh, dear. Once again I've left the house dressed as "Father Andy." #
  • Details aren't locked…but it _looks_ like I've got things worked out for a Boulder, CO Tweetup during the first week in April. #
  • Restaurant Week: appetizer. http://yfrog.com/j5nwowj #
  • Restaurant Week, entree: Polenta. http://yfrog.com/0lnkprj #
  • Restaurant Week -Dessert: olive oil cake dressed with yogurt. http://yfrog.com/16721mj #
  • Dinner was at Lineage in Coolidge Corner. It's Restaurant Week in Boston: many luxe joints w/discount menus http://bit.ly/93W9RH #

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-14

  • Sitting in the parking lot at the Red Cross, "sugaring up" with a Heritage Dr. Pepper before my platelet donation. #
  • Good news: BP and temp are normal (120/83 & 98.9). Bad: I forgot I can't take aspirin 48 hrs before donating. Reskedded for next week. #
  • Have just made my SECOND iPad-related hardware purchase: a Pogo Sketch stylus. http://yfrog.com/20982vj #
  • New on ClickableArts.com: : OscarBlog 2010: The Pause Of Inference #
  • I'll be obsessively and nerdifically liveblogging the Oscars. Just refresh this page on Ihnatko.com: http://bit.ly/cXv6dn #
  • Just a reminder: I'm loveblogging the Oscars on Ihnatko.com » http://bit.ly/cXv6dn #
  • Yes, LOVEBLOGGING. I LOVE the Oscars. #
  • ALERT to all men and women who love women: TCM is running Cyd Charisse movies all day today. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. #
  • To those who might have missed it: my liveblog from last night's Oscars is on Ihnatko.com » http://bit.ly/cXv6dn #
  • Just finished a phone interview with @jimlee00 and John Rood about DC Comics' digital directions. After dinner there will be much typing. #
  • My job isn't like yours. I mean, today, did you open a FedEx box and find yourself wondering why Geek Squad sent you beef jerky? #
  • First workday with the office windows open. I feel like birds will flitter in and hand me the DVD-R I need, like I'm Snow White. #
  • Stupid damned Skype has locked up on me…desperately trying to fix for the show!!! #
  • The irony is, i cant force quit it while TWiT is calling me, & they won't stop calling because I should have been there 10 min ago! #
  • Okay, now switching to A WHOLE NEW COMPUTER. But I'm sure it has nothing to do with Skype being a total piece of ****. #
  • Finally starting MacBreak. Boy do I hate Skype. Few apps are this successful but this unreliable. #
  • On Ihnatko.com: My prep for the iPad, and how sketch apps and the Pogo Stylus are newly-relevant to me. » http://bit.ly/c9vsBC #
  • A small plate of soft cheeses after midnight? On a weekday? One of the many, many advantages of swingin' bachelorhood, m'friend. #
  • Well! *I* just spent a lot of money. How about you guys? #
  • (Yes…I just spent $900 on a 72 master cases of Marshmallow Peeps, all colors. Wait, was there something else this morning?) #
  • New on Ihnatko.com: Which iPad did I buy? The fascinating process, revealed. » http://bit.ly/cLRre0 #
  • The most important bit from this morning's piece: you'd need a VERY good reason to buy an iPad sight-unseen. I sure do. Do you? #
  • Check out Apple.com's iPad pages — lots of details. http://www.apple.com/ipad/features/ #
  • Apple.com/iPad/features/: "…And you can add free ePub titles to iTunes and sync them to the iBooks app on your iPad." Hooray! #
  • The implication is that ePub files will sync via iTunes just like any other kind of media (or maybe via a simple folder operation) #
  • Now in the hands of my Sun-Times editor: seven neat bits of news I got from Apple's new iPad pages. Will Tweet a link when it's up. #
  • Now on Suntimes.com: My fave 7 new details about the iPad, based on Apple's new product pages » http://bit.ly/bpy9Ox #
  • Apparently, tonight is "Sing Elton John Songs Like Paul Williams Night," according to my brain. #
  • I say this with sincerity: "Jackass 2" isn't a better movie than "Network," but it has a much smarter and more solid ending. #
  • CSS design would be a less irritating if it DIDN'T turn out that the root of every baffling problem was a dumb mistake I made. #

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-07

  • Watching the Olympics closing ceremonies. For one magical night, everyone in the whole world was named "Gord." #
  • Dining with @muskrat_john in Wisconsin. Yes, cheese was a feature component in every course. http://yfrog.com/1e7n9aj #
  • The conference presented me with a big box of local WI artisan cheeses before my departure. WELL PLAYED, conference! #
  • New photoset on Flickr: The Holsteins in Wisconsin » http://bit.ly/9NYFaM #
  • Quick, join The Ebert Club before Roger raises his rates in April. Even non-Eberts are welcome (for now) » http://bit.ly/bJalcm #
  • Watching "Hello, Dolly." One of my fave and most fascinating "great potential, but it just doesn't work at all" flicks. #
  • My Feb. detox from writing Apple or Google news ends with a 3000-word piece about the iPad, soon to be sent to my editor. Whoof. #
  • Before this gets out of hand: it's NOT a review of the iPad and I have NOT touched an iPad since January. #
  • New on Suntimes.com: Six things about the iPad that worried me a month ago, but no longer. >> http://bit.ly/bTgIdt #
  • Just interviewed @TomBrevoort and Ira Rubenstein for a column. Maintained my 20yr streak of being surprised my recorder worked. #
  • Whoops, no, the Old Fashioned wasn't invented there but they do them quite nicely. http://www.theoldfashioned.com/ #
  • To a freelancer, 4:45 on a Fri. is when you see if you can play The Price Is Right's "It's a new washer-dryer!" theme on the uke. #
  • Just found I'll be on a panel with @ebertchicago at @cwaboulder. I'll photo the audience & later claim it's my usual fan turnout. #
  • How do I record phone interviews off my iPhone? Well, it's highly technical… http://yfrog.com/ehqwptj #
  • New on ClickableArts.com: : Scott Kurtz' LOLBat gets a sidekick #
  • I picked Mitch Seavey in my (self-employed) office Iditarod pool. Am sitting by computer in a foam hat shaped like a snow hook. #
  • Doing a lot of housecleaning. I just found a few business cards with my old FidoNet email address on it. My FIDONET address! #

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-28

  • Another Amazon MP3 offer that says "Don't think, just buy": 22 classic Sinatra tracks for $2.99 » http://bit.ly/dCfEIr #
  • OK, one week post-Macworld and I'm willing to call it: Purell and paranoia officially protected me from another Convention Flu. #
  • I instituted a new music library policy today: when a CD attains Double Plus Love Status, I re-rip it as Apple Lossless. #
  • Finally catching up on the season premiere of the new Amazing Race, so I can watch the SECOND episode tonight. Giddy-worthy TV! #
  • Finished watching the "Amazing Race" premiere. Underscored the fabulous, producer-proof unpredictability of the Racers' actions! #
  • Even an in over-the-air analog standard def, the worst ep of "Amazing Race" would beat the best "Survivor" in digital HD. :) #
  • Always an emotional moment: winners on podium, hearing their nat'l anthem, wearing medals, clutching lush, majestic Chia Pets. #
  • Countless moms are now telling their kids "Fine. If one of the comics I threw out becomes THAT valuable, I'll pay you the $1M." #
  • Setting up tabs, windows, and beverages for recording of MacBreak Weekly. Watch live » http://live.twit.tv/ #
  • Shots like this keep me in awe of @scottbourne's bird photography » http://bit.ly/bQFSZP #
  • Geek High Finance: just traded a tubful of 10-y.o. Star Wars Episode 1 merch for lots of store credit at my regular comic shop. #
  • Richard Dawkins has his Shatner-esque "Get a life!" moment with his fan community >> http://bit.ly/d79c58 #
  • Resolved: Story concept "Little girl from classic children's book returns to that world as an adult" is now a boring cliché. #
  • Zaftigs soup of the day: a gumbo-style spicy jambalaya. http://yfrog.com/aus11jj #
  • Zaftigs pastrami and Swiss. A SENSIBLE sized deli sandwich! http://yfrog.com/1eqb0xj #
  • Dessert: super-delicious rice pudding. It's rice…it must be good for you. http://yfrog.com/35m08wj #
  • Getting ready for a live Skype appearance on Fox News "Gadgets And Games" with @claytonmorris. Live from 3-4 EST #
  • A shot of crowd at Olympics leaves me thnkng there can't be many places where you can buy a foam hat shaped like a curling stone. #
  • I love and fear the Internet: http://www.curlinghats.com/ (Thanks, @thisisjacksdad!) #
  • One of my fave "King Of The Hill"s is on now. "Won't You Pimai Neighbor?" explains why lazy writing on other shows frustrate me. #
  • Finished a last-minute column for the Sun. edition. Getting the last sentence was like getting a dog to give me back the stick. #
  • Watching Craig Ferguson. I'm 60% sure that Quentin Tarantino is slowly turning into Jon Lovitz. #
  • And then I heard myself grumbling "Crimeny. This Catholic church has *no excuse* for not having a website. It's 2010!" #

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-21

  • New on Ihnatko.com: City Lights is not a real bookstore » http://bit.ly/aEmBOe #
  • I love it when people claim that recent blizzards disprove global climate change. Idiots are usually MUCH tougher to spot. #
  • (This isn't controversial: one week of bad weather is as significant a data sample as the belch of an eyelash mite.) #
  • 1 scientist in history discoverd somethng that was easy to explain, had clear implications, and was 100% right: Superman's dad. #
  • At Comic Relief in Berkeley. Loving its new location…freaking huge, this place is. #
  • On a trusted friend's strong recommendation…I am buying the first issues of "Blackest Night." Okay, Rich…! #
  • Downloading yesterday's WinPhone7Series3000alacticaClear intro videos for travel viewing. Quick demo looks v.nice…pretty UI. #
  • Sacramento Tweeps: I'm speaking at MacNexus tonight at 7 PM. Do stop by! Details here » http://www.macnexus.org/ #
  • Setting up for MacBreak Weekly. I am doing the show from the forest moon of Endor this week. #
  • Riding Amtrak to Sacramento for my talk at MacNexus tonight. What a dope I was for initially wanting to rent a car for this. #
  • At the MacNexus meeting in Sacramento. Nice turnout and nice people. Oh, and free cookies. #
  • New on ClickableArts.com: : Time For Go To Home #
  • New on Ihnatko.com: Time For Go To Home » http://bit.ly/cOlsub #
  • 66 degrees in Sacramento…gorgeous weather but I'm leaving for home today. Have been living out of my laptop bag since Sunday! #
  • Touchdown, Boston! Good to see snow again after a week of miserably beautiful spring weather in San Francisco. #
  • I don't know what pleased me most about my JetBlue flight. Probably the fact that our pilot's name was actually "Captain Over." #
  • New on Suntimes.com – My first take on Windows Mobile Series Seven Phone System Phone OS for Seven, 7.0 » http://bit.ly/aE1IT9 #
  • I awake after a 4hr, post-redeye-flight nap. I feel like grabbing destiny in both hands. Yes! I shall start watching DVR'd TV. #
  • Quick Flickr photoset: the Holsteins in San Francisco » http://bit.ly/aNJT9Q #
  • I love the snowboarders. They're the only Olympians who seem to be having fun, win or lose. They get up from a fall, smiling. #
  • You can KEEP your stupid Dewars Profile: ***I've*** been interviewed by the Tactical Pants Blog! » http://bit.ly/buncol #
  • Honestly, @Seagate. Your support site and forms would save me time if it just said "We have no intention of honoring warranties." #
  • "Forbidden Planet" is just starting up over on TCM. #
  • Experiencing the horror of pulling into commuter rail garage at a terrific point in audiobook, w/no headphones for rest of trip! #

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Twitter Updates for 2010-02-08

  • The main selling point of a cast-iron skillet: you can fry 1/2 lb of bacon and tell yourself "I'm just seasoning my cookware." #
  • The only way you can consider an NFL game to be "action-packed" is if you act like the players get points for milling about. #
  • I don't think any Super Bowl ad this year will top this one for the Letterman show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KSKkmypTZM #
  • Hate to sound like such a Guy, but my biggest reax to the Google ad was "Hey! 'Who is The Stig?' was one of the auto-completes!" #
  • How the Letterman-Oprah-Leno Super Bowl Ad Came Together » NYTimes.com http://bit.ly/bduMRq (thanks, @joelhousman!) #

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Follow Roger Ebert, Win Me A Cheesecake!

cheesecake.jpg

Okay. At this point, I’m really starting to worry that Roger Ebert isn’t going to have 100,000 Twitter followers by the end of the year.

In early October, I was serenely confident that Twitterer #79,797,834 would have more Followers than I by Halloween. I was just as certain that he’d break 100,000 by January 1.

I mean, come on. Ashton Kutcher and Britney Spears each have about 160 as many followers as Ebert. Have they won Pulitzers? If they have, and they declined to accept them, then admittedly that shows a laudable commitment to the creation of art as opposed to the pursuit of glory and maybe they do deserve to sit at the top of the Twitter tree.

I’m inclined to doubt it, though.

Roger Ebert is the Samuel Johnson of our age. Captain of thought, wielder of the sharpest eye and keenest wit, observer of all, sage and insightful commentator on much, sitting in arrogant judgment of nothing and nobody.

It kills me that he doesn’t even have as many followers as Mary-Kate Olsen (87,493). This ain’t right, people.

Pamela Anderson (aka the Ghost of Olsen Twin Future) has 94,643. If you’re somehow OK with her having more Followers than Roger Ebert, you should further know that Karl Rove has 95,154.

I’m certain that Roger doesn’t care that Rove has more followers. Roger Ebert is one of those finer specimens of Humanity. But if Roger gets to 100,000 before Rove does, I’m equally certain that Rove’s big round pink melon will redden with fury and then pop like a balloon, causing the man to disappear behind a snowstorm of shredded 2000 Florida ballots. Do you really need another reason to pitch in and encourage people to follow Roger?

And of course, there’s also the fact that Roger has the one of the highest signal-to-noise ratios on Twitter. There have been days when I retweeted so many of his links and comments that I considered just handing Roger my Twitter password for the next ten hours or something.

If you haven’t clicked any of those links and started Following Roger Ebert, I have no hope that any of the following will sway you. But here goes, nonetheless:

If Roger Ebert has 100,000 Followers or more by January 1, I win a free cheesecake.

Seriously. 100,000 Followers for Ebert = free cheesecake for Ihnatko. Not one of those Mrs. Dainty models from your grocer’s freezer, either: I’m talking the kind of profound cheesecakes that could kill you if you ate the whole thing and grievously injure you if it fell on top of you.

Yes, there’s a wager involved. I kind of shot off my mouth when Ebert first joined Twitter. I was certain that in no time at all, his account would get BoingBoinged and Farked and Metafiltered. Maybe one of our society’s more useful celebrities would mention Roger’s Twitter potency during an appearance on Letterman.

Hell! Oprah herself would definitely push Roger Ebert’s Twitter account over the 500,000 mark. One day, she’d start her show with a sequence of electronic pips that causes the core software of her viewers to go into Command Acquisition mode. “Join Twitter,” she would then say, not breaking eye contact with the camera lens. “Follow Roger Ebert. Await further instructions.” And then a second sequence of tones would close the channel and she’d welcome the cast of “It’s Complicated” onto the sofa.

Either way, People Would Follow Him. How could the Twitter community fail to put Roger into the top 500? The fuse was lit; the rocket would lance into the heavens.

“He’ll surpass me by Halloween,” I announced. “He’ll break 100,000 by the end of the year.”

Thus the wager: in a turn of events eerily similar to the ones which sent Phileas Fogg around the world for 80 days, if either of these predictions are met, I will win a free cheesecake.

I remind all of you that I am a print journalist in a rapidly collapsing market. Further, the winter of 2009-2010 promises to be one of the coldest on record. A free, premium cheesecake will provide me with the fats and calories I’ll need in order to generate and conserve precious body heat and survive into the Spring.

None of this doing it for you?

Let’s try a new tack, then: if Roger Ebert hits 100,000 Followers by January 1, I will write, record, and post an entire audiobook in a 24-hour period.

No joke. I’ll do it. We will choose a day in January. I will write the whole thing from start to finish on Ustream or something so you can see I’m not just digging out an unpublished manuscript from existing inventory and spending the rest of the day eating cheesecake and having a good laugh at your expense. I will write the story, I will record it, and I will post it, all within a 24-hour span of time.

I mean, it’s OK by me. I have a whole day I can devote to writing and recording. What I don’t have is a huge, premium cheesecake or the financial means with which to purchase one. I’d much rather have the cheesecake than the 24 hours. I had hoped to simply allow things to run their natural course, but as I said, there’s now just a week left in the year and it’s entirely possible that Roger won’t get the necessary 10,000 new Followers per day.

Any way you slice it — mmm, sliced cheesecake — sorry, any way you slice it, it’s completely in your best interests to Follow Roger Ebert, and to encourage 70,000 of your friends to do the same.

Follow Ebert today, Cheesecake and Storytime tomorrow. Revolutions have been founded, fought and won on flimsier slogans. Onward to glory!

I Lift Up My Finger And Say “Tweet, Tweet” by the Palast Orchester (Amazon Advent Calendar Day 5)

I Lift Up My Finger And Say Tweet Tweet

Palast Orchester

Folge 7 – Music, Maestro, Please

Genre: Miscellaneous

I Lift Up My Finger And Say Tweet Tweet

I’m not certain that I approve of the “Genre” tag for this particular track. “Miscellaneous”? Did anybody even really try?

This is a 1929 Leslie Sarony Jazz-age novelty tune. It’s best performed by a radio orchestra, preferably by men in white tie and slicked-back hair. No fewer than 28% and no more than 42% of the performers should have thin, precious little mustaches. Does that help you, Amazon?

Certain songs have a way of working their way into the soundtrack of your life. Gene Siskel once said that whenever he was feeling stressed and hassled (as when running through an airport to catch a plane) he found himself humming “I Got Out Of Bed On The Right Side” from the Esther Williams musical “Dangerous When Wet.” When I’m on my third “Why the bloody hell can’t anything be simple today?” sigh, I start singing “I Lift Up My Finger And Say ‘Tweet Tweet’.”

Some people make a fuss when a thing goes wrong
Some people swear and cuss, others sing a song
I don't do either...that's all napoo
When a thing goes wrong for me, this is what I do:
I lift up my finger and I say "Tweet-Tweet, Shush-Shush, Now-Now, Come-Come!"

(It helps that I work out of a home office, alone.)

I have also seriously suggested that this is the official anthem of the Twitter Fail Whale. I can’t help but whistle the first lines of “Tweet, Tweet” while I refresh the page and wait for Twitter to collect itself.

Yes, “Tweet, Tweet” is part of my soundtrack. It’s also part of the soundtrack of “Jeeves And Wooster,” which is how I first came to hear it. This was a fairly awesome BBC TV ITV series adapting the famous series of P.G. Wodehouse short stories. It starred Hugh Laurie before he became an American, and Stephen Fry before he got his first million Twitter followers. Why, it was so long ago I bet he was still on Friendster when the series first aired.

I shall leave you with one last unbearably semantic note: the singer of this tune is a goddamned hypocrite. He starts off by saying explicitly that he never makes a fuss when things go wrong. Oh, come now!When things go wrong, he rattles off a Tourettes-style string of nonsense words. His own testimony!

Sorry to have to bring it up. I’m one of those brave vanguards who isn’t afraid to speak truth to power.

Truth: clicking my Amazon links rewards me far more than your respect or admiration ever can. I value those two things. Don’t misunderstand me. I’d just like to quietly point out that when you click on these links and buy something and I get a little kickback for the referral, it puts me that much closer to that fantastic day when I’m idly browsing on Amazon and think “Ordinarily, I wouldn’t blow my hard-earned cash on a banjo ukulele. But all of these Amazon Associates credits are just sitting there in my account…”

Sample ‘I Lift Up My Finger And Say Tweet Tweet’ on Amazon MP3

The Worst Idea Ever. EVER!

I was playing “American Idol” on the PS2 with some friends last night. And an idea came.

Let’s not identify the person or persons who came up with this idea. We wouldn’t want this individual or these individuals to be embarrassed. For it is indeed the worst idea ever.

The idea is for me to arrange a New England Karaoke Tweetup.

This would be like any other Tweetup — a place and a time is announced, and a group of Twitter followers show up and socialize — except that the place would in fact be a karaoke bar. And so everybody would be expected not only to mingle with strangers and pay for their own drinks…but also get up and work their way through “Endless Love” as best they can, with said strangers in the audience.

But I mustn’t announce that sometime next month, I’ll be setting up the first New England Karaoke Tweetup. I won’t even start looking for a karaoke bar somewhere in Eastern Massachusetts that would be suitable for such an evening.

I mustn’t. Because it is indeed a horrible idea. A horrible, terrible, fractid idea that really, is best driven back into the pit of Hell from whence it came.

Horrible, horrible idea.

Let’s not even discuss this.

Mr. 10,000

“In the grand scheme of things,” a self-effacing Oscar winner once said, “an Academy Award means very little.”

He had a point. Doing something that you’re truly proud of is its own reward. Beyond that, an acknowledgement from fellow professionals whom you respect is more valuable than the actual statuette itself.

Good points.

But if an Oscar means little, then reaching a landmark like 10,000 Followers on Twitter means less than I had hoped it might.

Still! Hey! 10,000 followers!

10,000 Twitter followers...hard proof!

And I’m proud to say that I got my 10K honestly. I have never Dane Cook’d my numbers by begging my audiences to Follow me. That’s 10,000 people who made their decisions spontaneously.

I am slightly less proud to say that I’ve been looking forward to reaching this (again, quite meaningless) mark for quite some time.

I think I was somewhere around the 6K level when I thought about how cool it’d be to win The Big Rollover. When I broke 9K early this summer, I started sort of wondering when I thought I’d hit it. ” I reckoned it’d happen shortly before Labor Day. My guess wasn’t far off.

The low point of my quest? Well, there was the day that Twitter got a hold of a bad clam or something and I suddenly lost 6,000 Followers in one evening. Also known as the day I realized that getting 10,000 Followers meant more to me than I thought.

(AKA the day I learned how to patch a sneaker-sized hole in a piece of office drywall.)

Those 6,000 Followers did come back a day later. Just like a housecat who scoots out through the door when you’re carrying in shopping. I’m just happy that they didn’t come back with 6,000 dead mice and birds in their mouths to drop at my feet. I bet Leo Laporte wishes he could attract my class of Follower.

A long time ago, I “gave something back” to the Twitter service by establishing, on behalf of Twitter.com, that the service will treat you to a diner order of strawberry pancakes every time you get another 1000 Followers. “They’re still setting up the infrastructure for this,” I assured my Followers. “Just keep your receipts.”

And indeed, the promise of free pancakes gave me yet another reason to look forward to a “rollover.” At the 3K, 4K, 5K, etc. mark I religiously went out for breakfast and dug deeply into the Cakes of Victory.

Mr. 8000

I have now declared that with every 10,000 Twitter Followers, the company will treat you to…

The New England Diner Triple Crown!

Yes, it’s a full day of dinering: Twitter will pay for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner in three separate diners in three separate New England states. You may choose any three diners for your Triple Crown, though all dining and travel must be completed in one day. Remember, save those meal receipts, plus the paperwork for any gas or toll expenses.

I’m serious about the Triple Crown. In a couple of weeks, I am indeed going to do a one-day, three-state diner roadtrip. It’s been a tough month and I deserve a day of serious fun. Itinerary to be posted as soon as I decide on one (O’Rourke’s Diner in Middletown, Connecticut is the presumptive nominee for the Lunch stop).

Do join me for one of these meals if you happen to be nearby.

I’m also serious about Twitter paying for it. This is an astounding and generous offer and a brilliant piece of “viral” marketing. The folks behind Twitter are geniuses for coming up with it. I can’t wait to tell them that I’ve decided this has been their policy all along!

And if they try to chisel out of the sacred promise that they are not yet aware that they’ve made…well, just tune in to “Judge Judy” for the fireworks.