Your Cheap Joke of the Day: Mrs. Philip Glass’ Breakup Email

Dearest Philip:

 I’ve packed a few things and I’m going to be staying with Estelle for a while. I don’t know what I’ll do after that.

 I know you’ve worked hard at our relationship. Your passion and commitment are beyond question. But it feels as though it doesn’t matter how hard we try to resolve our problems, we keep getting locked in the same repetitive cycles over and over and over again. I’ve tried to pretend that nothing was wrong with our marriage. I think I’ve been living on faith that eventually, our relationship will make sense, that over time, I don’t know…a larger significance would suddenly manifest itself.

 Instead, I feel as though we’ve been lulling ourselves into some sort of trance. Solving the problem by “self-meditation,” I suppose you could call it.

 But now I must go, Philip. It’s simply too much work for someone like me, who hopes to feel joy effortlessly. Lately I’ve stopped trying to peel the layers and I’ve begun wondering when this will ever end. The only answer I came to was that this will only end if I simply have the courage to walk away.

 And before you ask, yes: I’ve found our sex to be methodical. My previous boyfriend — I know you hate to hear about Ludwig but I think this will help you — sent me to thrilling highs through stylish flourishes, in movement after movement. Sometimes he could even be outright aggressive on the sheets. I liked that. I even enjoyed our moments of quiet because it allowed me to catch my breath and consider what I’ve just experienced…and because I knew that Lud was only preparing me for another thrill.

 It certainly wasn’t the flat, smooth, gently rolling action that I’ve been getting lately. With Ludwig, I could count on multiple crescendos in every performance. I haven’t experienced that once in our entire relationship. I’m ashamed to have to admit that I’ve been dishonest about that.

 Please don’t try to follow me.

 I know that this hurts you, but take solace in the fact that life goes in cycles. Someone new will come into your life very soon. Perhaps someone who resembles me superficially at first, but who over time, reveals subtle differences over me and your previous girlfriends…little shifts that will intrigue you enough to continue the relationship. I’d like to encourage you to try something fresh, shake things up with some variety, but I know you’re set in your ways and you take great comfort in simple routine. It’s because of that, and because I want you to be happy, that I’m leaving.

 Have faith. Be well.

— Lorraine

Posted via email from ihnatko’s posterous

5 thoughts on “Your Cheap Joke of the Day: Mrs. Philip Glass’ Breakup Email

  1. Glubbdrubb

    I think I may get it now. It somehow relates to Philip’s musical style or something like that. Can some one explain it to me?

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