OscarBlog 2009 – Stave 6

Best Supporting Actor nominees. Okay, Arkin mangled Hoffman’s name. But it’s good to see Joel Grey on a big stage, under any circumstances.

(So now we know: they’re only singing “Happy Birthday” to the acting nominees.)

Actually, I think this is all a big tribute to Jerry Lewis. In addition to the humanitarian Oscar, they’re modeling the introductions of the acting nominees on the style of a regional Coca Cola bottler presenting a check to Jerry on the Telethon.

“Jerry, your efforts to end muscular dystrophy and related neuromuscular diseases is a model for all of us. Since 1962, the Coca-Cola company and its national network of bottlers and distributors has…”

Walken is up! Aw, his hair must be scared by the noise from the crowds. This is the first time I’ve seen it lying flat on his head since “The Deer Hunter.”

Kevin Kline — looking more like Erroll Flynn with each passing year. And that’s a good thing, until the year that Flynn died, at which point Kline should probably either see a good plastic surgeon (note: not any of the Desperate Housewives’ doctors, or Mickey Roarke’s) or leave the business.

Speaking of dead guys: Heath Ledger wins. Proving that even a dead guy has a bigger career ahead of him than Joachin Phoenix.

Can I say: shame on the Oscarcast organizers. They knew that Heath Ledger had a good chance of winning. They knew that his family, still in some stage of mourning, would be coming to collect the award if he won. So where do they seat them? Up with the people Of Value? Nope, they were stuck way back in the boonies. What a bunch of morons.

And if they play them off for any reason…they should be forced to eat an entire Costco-sized can of black olives. Including the oil it’s packed in.

Now for Best Documentary. Odd that they didn’t go into the tribute to actors who’ve recently passed. Probably because it’d be awkward to say “We are now honoring the man whose work we refused to honor just a few minutes ago.”

Nice one, producers: you’ve found a way to name the nominees without giving the audience the slightest inkling of what any of these movies are about. Which is just about a perfect way to make sure that nobody will have any interest whatsoever in seeing these flicks.

Hmm…the montage was directed by the Maysles Brothers, whose docs I love. Okay, maybe I overreacted. It was a nice little documentary but not right for the occasion.

Bill Maher. What a complete toad. And of course, he can’t just hand over the award without plugging his movie, pointing out that people who disagree with him are idiots, and just being a smug “I’m way too cool to be talking to you people” bastard throughout.

I hope it’s “Man On Wire”; loved it.

…And it is! Awesome.

Tightrope walker is not wearing a proper tuxedo (neither are the filmmakers) but look, you fire a crossbow between the Twin Towers ninja-style and then tightrope walk across…you get to do whatever you want to afterward.

…Including balancing the Oscar on your chin! Congratulations sir…you just made every Oscar highlight reel everywhere in the world.

Now time for Best Documentary Short. A reminder that the only good thing about being dissed by the producers and sat waaaay in the back is that they have to show lots and lots of clips from your film while you board the little golf cart that runs you to the stage from your seat.

Winner is a film that (surprise!) I haven’t seen.

Okay, I’m not sure why anybody would want or need to trap these things, but I’m glad that those people who feel a need for this product can buy it on Amazon.

“Time flies like an arrow,” say the ancient philosophers, “but fruit flies like a banana.” Well, your spouse and children will like you for ridding the kitchen of the tyranny of those demon fruit flies and end the reign of terror that they inflict. And it’s a snap, with the BioCare Kitchen Fruit Fly Trap.

Buy it from Amazon via the above link, or just click the link and buy something else. I’ll get a small Amazon Associates kickback and will spend the money on nothing terribly useful. But our economy enjoys being stimulated, doesn’t it?