Part of my mandate here is to offer to you — free of charge — brilliant, foolproof ideas that will improve your life in glorious and material ways. I therefore am compelled to point out to you that if your significant other has been hinting that unless a wedding is in the offing, he or she is no longer willing to cover 50% of the household expenses and 80% of the sex, then the perfect solution is at hand.
Today’s the day. Propose. Now. Get the license. Find a priest or a justice of the peace or a Joan Rivers impersonator who’s been duly recognized by God and the state gambling commission to bind people together in matrimony. But get the nuptial banns shrinkwrapped and shipped before midnight.
Why? Because it’s February 29th: Leap Day. Tell your fiancee-of-the-afternoon that you find it delightfully appropriate be taking the next leap forward in the relationship on such a day (though please cover your bases and slip in phrases like “I’ve realized that I’m finally ready to be happy for the rest of my life”; that’s pure Tabasco).
But in truth you will be exercising Romulan-like cunning. For the rest of your married life, you have the perfect excuse for forgetting your anniversary: there is no February 29th. Which leaves you free to just try to get somewhere within a 9-iron of the date. Hit it by a week on either side (which sounds more than fair) and you’re still credited for the win.
There’s just one downside, of course: you’ll need to remember your actual anniversary once every four years. But with luck, the marriage will be over with by 2012 and you’ll be completely off the hook.
Yes, it’s a risk, but if you’re taking relationship advice from some tech dude’s blog, I like your chances.