ALVY: Are you even listening to yourself? And the funny part is…’Religious Liberty’…! You don’t know anything about religious liberty!
MAN IN LINE: Oh, really? Well! I’m a former professor of constitutional law. I’m now a lobbyist with a top firm who’s successfully drafted the language that appears in several religious liberty laws that have either been signed into law by, or are currently on the legislative floor of, many states. So I think my insights on the founding fathers’ principle of religious freedom have a great deal of validity.
ALVY: Do you? That’s funny, because It just so happens that I have one of the Founding Fathers right here. C’mon out, John. Come right on out. Tell him.
JOHN ADAMS: I overheard what you were saying. When we underscored the importance of religious liberty, we were specifically trying to prevent the government from allowing the tenets or agendas of any one religion to restrict the rights of any citizen. If you’re creating laws to limit where Americans can work, shop, live…laws that even dictate where and how a severely mistreated and physically-endangered minority of the citizenry can use the privy, and you’re promoting this as defense of ‘Religious Liberty,’ you’re negating our — nay, everybody’s — entire premise of liberty! How you got into any sort of position of influence in the crafting of laws is totally amazing. And, by God, heart-chilling.
ALVY: Boy…if life were only like this.