England’s King Richard III found after 500 years | Reuters

England's King Richard III found after 500 years | Reuters.

For years, when male skeletons with signs of multiple blunt-force trauma were discovered in the backyards of English women whose husbands had disappeared ages ago under mysterious circumstances, they’ve told the police “Incredible! Those can only be the long-lost remains of the reviled King Richard III! No other explanation is possible!”

Turns out that one of them was actually telling the truth, for once. I’m sure she was just as surprised by the results of the DNA testing as the cops.

“Well. Mystery solved,” Mrs. Paley was heard to say. “So there’s definitely no need to extend the archaeological excavation as far as the low mound at the east end of the gardening shed.”

5 thoughts on “England’s King Richard III found after 500 years | Reuters”

  1. Police are looking for a welsh male in connection with this incident.
    Exactly what does the vicar doing the interment say about the deceased when they lay him to rest in the cathedral? This is one of the most vilified figures in British History. I suppose only Lord Haw Haw and King John get a worse press.
    Makes me think of the little girl walking through a churchyard reading the nice words about the interred. Asks mummy ” and where do they bury all the bad people?”

  2. History is written by the winners, & they are not always the good guys. Henry Tudor’s slanders of Richard were made only after Richard was safely dead. Don’t quote Shakespeare either. He was writing under Henry’s son & grand-daughter, in an era when he would have been killed for saying otherwise.

  3. Speaking of curved spines, whatever happened with scoliosis? Remember how we all had to stand in a gym class in our underthings while teachers checked out our “spines”? Please tell me that didn’t just happen to me…

    At one point, I found some exposé on the topic that claimed the whole thing was some kind of leftover habit from the Nazis experimentation on people, some long-term study about what constituted an endomorph and a mesomorph body type.

    But then there was that news story a few years ago that pointed out that since pictures were taken in the 1960’s at Ivy League schools, somebody somewhere had photos of some very famous people in their underthings, taken prior to being famous.

    Now, of course, I can find no evidence of either story. Which leads me to question whether I imagined it all, or I am in fact losing my mind.

    Either way, I thought scoliosis was a B.S. diagnosis, either because of Nazis, or because of pervs who wanted an excuse to ogle high-school kids. But I guess it turns out to be a real condition after all…

  4. Just to be pedantic: if you look at the pictures of his skull, there’s prominent evidence of distinctly non-blunt-force trauma right on his face, and some more on the side of his head.

    Those halberds can really make a mess.

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