I strive every day to:
1) See the good in every human being.
2) Shift the focus of my awareness away from myself, my needs, and and my expectations. To see the world as others see it, at minimum, and to see the world as it actually is, at best.
3) Ponder the things I don’t know anything about, and also the breadth of my lack of knowledge.
4) Let go of the arrogant assumption that something I don’t immediately comprehend is bizarre, chaotic, or senseless.
5) Embrace the peace and serenity that is offered to me each and every moment.
I achieve or fail in each of these goals each and every day. But if there is a God, and He’s the kind of theist God who sees and judges all, I would like to believe that He is pleased by the fact that I value these goals and try my best to reach them.
Yesterday, I was rushing to make an Amtrak train for a meeting in New York City. I rounded the parking lot in increasing circles of anxiety. It was full to the extreme of commuters abandoning their cars on grassed areas and in places clearly marked NO PARKING.
When I spotted a scooter parked jauntily in the center of a space intended for a full-sized car, instead of in one of the many empty carrels specifically set aside for two-wheeled vehicles, my reaction was calm. I put my car in neutral, set the parking brake, walked to the scooter, unzipped my pants, and peed all over the seat and handlebars.
Yes, in my mind.
I am an imperfect vessel for the perfection of the universe. If there is indeed a God, and He’s the kind of theist God who sees and judges all, I think it pleased Him that even in my imagination, in which I can do absolutely anything without regard for consequences, I chose such a limited and (in the larger scheme of things) harmless manner of retribution.
After all, I could have arranged for a historical reenactor to hide in the bushes until the (stupid selfish idiot) scooter owner returned. He would leap out, dressed like John Wilkes Booth, shoot the bastard in the nuts with a paintball gun, and then shout “SIC SEMPER PINHEADS!!!!!” before running away.
And then while the (idiot moron jerk) was curled up on the pavement, clutching his plums and desperately trying to get a breath, a tanker truck would overturn and cover him and his (goddamn) scooter with thousands of gallons of liquid pig excrement.
While his mouth was still open.
(I mean, it really was a stellar example of selfish, clueless, asshat behavior.)