“Camel Walk” by Southern Culture On The Skids (Amazon Advent Calendar Day 17)

Album Art

Camel Walk

Southern Culture On The Skids

Dirt Track Date

Genre: Pop

You shouldn’t look things up on the Internet when you know that the answer can’t possibly do you any good.

There are three titles associated with this song and two of them are wonderful. “Southern Culture On The Skids” is a fantastic name for a band — or a book, or a line of gift jams and jellies, or just about anything else that isn’t specifically related to a surgical procedure — and “Dirt Track Date” is a pleasantly evocative phrase.

It’s the title of the song itself that worries me. If you’ve heard the song, you will undoubtedly agree that “Camel Walk” is a good fit. It’s a lopey, drawling, lurchy sort of rock (mostly) instrumental that compels you to walk as though you have some sort of inner ear disorder that doesn’t effect your lateral, side-to-side balance but which knocks away your ability to maintain your front-to-back equilibrium. The overall effect on your gait is to create the impression that you’re on a treadmill, and the deck is made of a waterbed mattress rolled into a tube.

You really should have scrolled up or down and bought this track by now. That’s really a hell of a description and an emphatic endorsement of any song. Just don’t listen to this song while carrying a hot bowl of soup, and you’ll be fine.

But does “Camel Walk” have any other meanings?

After you’ve reached your 30th birthday, you learn that the cartload of Modern Slang that you’ve been happily pulling behind you all your life is nowhere to be seen in your rearview mirror. It got unhitched at some point during your journey through life and you’ll never find it again. Congratulations: you’re part of the Grownup Culture, who doesn’t understand how or why “sneakers” became “kicks.”

The larger problem is that the youth of today…well, I’m not saying that they’re coming up with acts to perform upon and with each other that had never occurred to any prevous generation of humans. I’m just saying that during a simpler and more innocent time, if two people spent an hour pleasuring each other by flossing between their partners’ toes with strips of raw pork tenderloin, there would be an agreement to never speak of that incident again. Whereas it seems like the modern reaction is “Let’s talk about this to all of our friends and post about it everywhere we can. Plus, if we define this new thing as ‘Feeding The Squirrels’ then there’s an excellent chance that we can make the grownups look foolish.”

Fast forward a month, to a high-school English class. The teacher offhandedly mentions how he kept running out the squirrel feeder all weekend,. He smiles at the immediate and explosive reaction this generated from his students, but has no idea why the whole class is hyperventilating.

“Camel Walk.”

See, I’m just a little bit suspicious. The singer says “Baby! [owoooooo-whee!] Yew make me wanna walk…like a camel!

I don’t think I’m completely wrong to wonder. In certain parts of the South, is “walking like a camel” what happens when a man gets his whatsis stuck inside a dealie, and the only way to get it out is to leave immediately for the emergency room? Like, he has to support the weight of the dealie with his hands, forcing him to walk slightly like a camel as he clumsily tries to balance the weight and avoid tearing his thingamabob clean off.

I know the URL for the Urban Dictionary.

I think I’m just going to choose not to visit it.

Yeah. Sounds wise. Nothing good can come of that.

Try or buy “Camel Walk” on the Amazon MP3 Store. As always, the link is embedded with my Amazon associates code and anything you buy there after clicking it results in my receiving a small kickback in the form of store credits. I promise to spend it on wonderful and foolish things.

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