“G-Spot Tornado” by Frank Zappa (perf. by Ensemble Ambrosius) – Amazon Advent Calendar Day 9

Album Art

G-Spot Tornado (arr. E. Lievonen)

Ensemble Ambrosius

Zappa Album (The)

Genre: Classical

This track proves two things.

First, that Frank Zappa was manifestly a composer. He was destined to spend his life hunched over a clavichord, a quill in his hand, sheets of foolscap under his quill pen, and a bottle of claret within reach. The fact that Zappa was born a couple of centuries too late to be a contemporary of Mozart didn’t deter him in the least. He was a man of drive and determination: he simply made do with the meager tools that were at his disposal in the 1960’s, 70’s, and 80’s.

I’m fumbling for a way to explain the statement “Clearly, he was a composer.” Well, duh: Zappa squeezed all of those tunes out of his head and into a form that could be filed with the Copyright Office. But somehow, you don’t think of (say) the person who wrote “I’m Too Sexy (For This Song)” as a Composer. You think of him as a “Songwriter.” Maybe as “That weird bald valet guy who wouldn’t stop talking about this hit song he says he wrote twenty years ago, and who almost made me miss my plane.”

Zappa? Oh, absolutely. He was laying down a blueprint for a musical work that was designed to be played live by a great many different groups for centuries to come. This music has layers, it has textures; it’s in no way tethered to the times in which it was created. It was originally composed and performed on a Synclavier and (if Wikipedia is to be believed…for Heaven’s sake, why shouldn’t it?) Zappa pretty much assumed that it was so complex that it could never be performed live, by actual humans.

Hah! Well, here’s a semi-famous orchestral interpretation of “G-Spot Tornado,” conducted by The Man himself. The choreography is by Human Steps.

In fact, the composition is so ambitious that the Amazon MP3 Store lists three different orchestral and baroque arrangements. There’s even a whole band that named itself after this song…with something like two dozen tracks available for download.

Which brings us to Point Two: withholding your catalogue from digital download stores almost never works out well for the Artist’s legacy. The Amazon MP3 Store and iTunes can sell you these weird renditions of “G-Spot Tornado,” but they can’t sell you the Zappa’s original recording, or any other track from 1986’s “Jazz From Hell.”

If you want the Zappa version, you’ll have to buy the CD from Amazon or wherever. But that’s certainly not how people discover new music these days, is it? We come across these things in blog posts and in YouTube videos. We get the itch, we spend 99 cents (or, ugh. $1.29) and we hear the full track. After one or more trips to the download well, maybe we’ll buy the whole CD.

But ordering the disc sight-unseen? And then having it…couriered over? How disgustingly analog! And even if you’re OK with waiting a couple of days to get it, should you gamble $13 on the basis of a single track that you might not even like?

Answer: yes. “Jazz From Hell” is an awesome album. But that’s not the point. The point is that we’re being forced to buy our Zappa via the same mechanism we used way back in the (goddamn) Nineties, when “Full House” was still on the air and they let Pauly Shore make movies. Let’s not go back to those dark and wicked days.

If much of the Zappa catalogue isn’t available on iTunes or Amazon, then that’s obviously the result of a deliberate choice and not a clerical error. It’s also a damned shame. Every time I hear of a high-profile artist whose work is unavailable for (legal) download, I respect that artist’s choice but I wonder if they aren’t overlooking the simple need to keep their music alive for future generations.

I mean, The Beatles could afford to take that risk. There was never any real chance of The Beatles’ “Revolver” ever being forgotten. But nearly twenty years after Zappa’s death, one of the most exciting composers of the late Twentieth century is in danger of becoming just a familiar name, instead of living on as an exciting list of familiar tunes.

Oh, wait…it’s even worse: it’s entirely possible that the very last Zappa tune to fade from memory will be his greatest popular hit. I still cringe whenever I hear a late, great actor listed as “Raul (‘Street Fighter’) Julia.” What a terrible shame it would be for our cultural consciousness if one day Frank Zappa was remembered mostly for “Valley Girl.”

And why? Only because there wasn’t enough of Zappa’s work to go around. With every year, the lesson becomes more clear: if you keep your music out of the iTunes Store or Amazon MP3, it can only mean that keeping these tracks alive is something less than your #1 priority.

Listen to G-Spot Tornado (arr. E. Lievonen) on the Amazon MP3 Store.

As always, all Amazon music links are embedded with my Amazon Associates code. If you click it, any Amazon purchases you make during that session will result in a small kickback to me in the form of Amazon gift credits…which I shall spend foolishly and lavishly on things I’ll enjoy.

12 thoughts on ““G-Spot Tornado” by Frank Zappa (perf. by Ensemble Ambrosius) – Amazon Advent Calendar Day 9”

  1. Speaking of Zappa – his son is trying to keep old dad’s creations alive. Tomorrow night I’m going to see “Zappa plays Zappa” at the Warfield in San Francisco.

  2. I noticed Zappa after his death. Sure I’ve heard the hit ‘Bobby brown goes down’ but thought nothing of it. Then back around 2000, 2001 I heard a few more songs, saw a documentary, searched the internet for Zappa music all night and that was it: I was a Zappa-head!

    The next day I asked a friend of mine, who had a secondhand music shop, if he could get hold of as many Zappa-albums as he could. New, preferably. He could and he did. So after about a week I stepped into his store and bought 32 new Zappa CD’s.

    If I’ve stayed within the ‘legal channels’ I’d never discovered Zappa and I’d never bought the CD’s. And that’s whats strange to me: that discovering music and consume music still is hard to do and the big record companies really doesn’t help you.

    It’s as if they only want us to buy Justin Bieber CD’s… And that can’t be right, can it?

  3. At the recent Zappa Roundhouse event in London (which I was lucky enough to attend!) Gail spoke about iTunes and that she was working hard to get it all in there.
    Also, Roxy DVD – “Not Never” :-)

  4. Zappa was once available on iTunes, but right now
    only a few ZFT titles and Beat the Boots III bootleg releases are up there. Gail will take an interminable time to get old albums back up there (but I have Weasels Ripped My Flesh and One Size Fits all from iTunes when it was available.)
    Some releases ARE at zappa.com- I recommend
    Imaginary Diseases- (the petit wazoo band) and Wazoo (with a vocals free version of Greggary Peccary-amazing!).

  5. You failed to mention Hot Rats, but I forgive you.

    Beautiful article. Beautiful man. Beautiful music.

    Thank you Andy

  6. You can buy some albums in MP3 from Zappa.com, but I agree that the family has got to get the titles into iTunes. His music is too important for it to be so hard to discover.

  7. MP3 SUCKS. It is a lossy format, which means in the encoding process, some of the aural attributes of the music are lost. Over time, if the recording is re-encoded to .wav and then someone encodes it again to MP3, (or in the event of encoding at a low bitrate) then even more of the music is lost. In 100 years, all these recordings will sound like shit. I have never, and probably never will, buy an MP3 encoded song online. In my opinion, MP3s aren’t worth a penny and should never be sold (nor even given away). I really don’t know why this crappy format ever became a “standard” file format. All music should be sold or traded in lossless formats such as FLAC files. Like everything else in the world today, crappy mediocrity rules and quality is ignored (or not appreciated or not recognized). Again, MP3 SUCKS.

  8. Oh, I guess my point is that music as great as Frank’s should never be degraded by the MP3 format. It’s sacrilege.

  9. Bought “Jazz From Hell” on vinyl years ago, the parental warning sticker was amusing. mp3s are close enough for old guys with tinnitus, and “Why does it hurt when I pee?” doesn’t really have to be in higher fidelity.

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