Dear Mr. iTunes:
First, I love your store. Generally-speaking, it’s a terrific way to discover and purchase music, whether I know specifically what I want to buy or just know vaguely that I’m interested in discovering new music.
But this is the second time the iTunes app has told me that there’s a new episode of the Bugle podcast waiting, and then not allowed me to download said podcast.
I don’t think you understand the dramatic impact that this failure has upon my Friday and Saturday workflow, Mr. iTunes. I will, charitably, conclude that you’re like the little kid who steals a fire extinguisher from their school just for a lark, without really thinking it through.
Well, iTunes, let me put it to you plainly: The Bugle is certified for class A-B-C-D fire-suppression and though it lacks formal Class K certification, it can, and has, been used to successfully combat grease fires when the user has the presence of mind to thoroughly wet the episode down properly. I ask you: what happens when that pile of combustible metals that I’ve been meaning to recycle suddenly lights up and white-hot flames of magnesium are lapping at my Precious Moments figurines? What do I do after I leap to my MacBook and click the “Get Episode” button, only to be left with a little round exclamation point icon in my hands?
Yes, you’re sorry and you didn’t know what you were really doing when you allowed your friends to goad you into taking down those Bugles. But “I’m sorry” won’t rebuild my rec room, will it?
And before you even try it, don’t go blaming The Bugle for this. I know it’s an election year and it’s so easy to just blame all of your problems on an incumbent podcast but it’s time for you to step up and own your failures. I see the latest episode right there. 10/21/10: “Poor, Poor Britain,” thirty-nine minutes and nineteen seconds. I know that John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman recorded the episode and Chris the Producer edited and posted it. They’re fine, decent men. Andy has a wife and children; John has an accent that’s breezily reminiscent of Eric Idle in the “Nudge, Nudge” sketch; Chris, to my knowledge, has never dressed up any of his cats as Captain Jack Sparrow.
While you, Mr. iTunes, sell more than two dozen different recordings of “Sometimes When We Touch.” Including one by Donny Osmond.
Put yourself in my position, iTunes: who would you believe was the more trustworthy party in any given dispute?
This sounds like it’s a really big issue, but really, iTunes, it isn’t. Just give me my Bugles.
Give. Me. My. Bugles.
Good day, sir.