Testing, testing…not much to see here.

Kitchen counter with a pizzelle maker and fresh-cooked cookies.
I seem to make pizzelles every time I have a half-dozen eggs that need to be used before their expiration date.

Here’s where my workday gets bogged down. I’m preparing my review of Flipboard, the iPad news/Twitter/Facebook/magazine app which has caused much excitement since its release a few days ago. I’ve seen the next “Billboard” rankings and I can now announce that Flipboard has knocked “Come On Eileen” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners from its #1 position after six weeks at the top of the chart.

“But does the app follow every embedded link in the designated Twitter stream,” I wondered, “or just a few specifically-supported kinds?”

I’m in communication with Flipboard Central but as I prepared to ask that very question via email I thought “…Or I could just post a series of tweets with various kinds of links to the same page, and see what happens.”

(Or, I could do both.)

Thus requiring A Page Wot To Link To, and thus Content For That Page Wot I’m Linking To.

Viz: this.

Sorry to have troubled you. There really wasn’t much to this post, was there? Hang on, perhaps a bit of snark will make this whole enterprise worthwhile?

Box of Kashi "Good Friends" cereal. Two women are smiling on the box, looking very phony.
Your box of seething hate.

This was so ghastly that I had to take a photo. Kashi: this is 2010, not 1947. We all know that your company image is just a marketing angle. I see a box like this and I picture an alcoholic marketing executive barking at his team.

“The fiber cereal…the name ‘Two Friends’ got the best response with the focus group. Put two faces, you know, friends, on the front of the box. What? No, not guys, you ****ing moron!!! Broads. If it’s two guys people will think it’s a gay cereal or something. And make ’em different races. The hippies will eat that s*** up. I don’t give a **** which race. Whatever. Just make sure one of them’s white. But I want to see the polaroids first to make sure you idiots don’t go ****ing crazy and use a fat chick or something.”

I mean, honestly. You can air as many commercials you want with chirpy, enthusiastic Kashi Food Researchers traveling far and wide and respecting local cultures and it just reinforces the image of a company run by men who keep trying to see if they can get the company to sponsor a Kashi Spokesmodel Bikini Team.

(Not for promotional purposes. Just for the office.)

Advertisers hope that their ad will cause me to make an irrational, emotion-driven purchasing decision. But every single time they succeed, my decision is “never give this company any of my business.”

20 thoughts on “Testing, testing…not much to see here.”

  1. Andy, crazy entries like this one are the reason why your devoted fans love you so dammed much.

  2. After using Flipboard for a few days, I’ve come to the conclusion that it has a lot of potential, but it was released too soon. And I’m not just talking about all the issues adding your Facebook and Twitter accounts, I’m talking about how every time I start it, I still see updates from 2 days ago instead of stuff just posted recently. I’ve seen the same photo in my Facebook tile on one of the pages for 2 days.

  3. I just want to know more about the pizzelles! They look delish. Other than eggs what’s in them, come on you post a pic of you cookn somthin you need to post the recipe or credit a recipe…

  4. I too would like to know more about the pizzelles! What do you top them with? Are there any special ingredients?

  5. I don’t know about you, Andy, but I saw 4 copies of this tweet in my Flipbook this morning…

    I’m going to need to prune my FB friends to make the content in Flipbook a little less boring. It’s nice that I can hide stuff directly from Flipbook!

  6. Andy
    Can you please post or email me the recipe for your pizzelles. I am from Australia and have never heard of then. They look a bit like waffles

  7. Kashi is owned by Kellogg by the way. That means that it was likely the work of an alcoholic marketing executive with an MBA.

  8. Andy, I believe that you and I are twins that were separated at birth. I absolutely thought the same thing as I studied the box before I read one word of your comment. Now back to my ice cold coke and baked chicken breast…

  9. Recipe for Pizzelles
    Courtesy of Food Channel
    Ingredients

    6 eggs
    1 cup sugar
    3/4 cup vegetable oil
    3 cups all-purpose flour
    1 tablespoon baking powder
    3 tablespoons fennel seeds

    Optional:

    1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, and 1 additional egg, or
    1/4 cup amaretto and an additional 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
    Note: You will need a pizzelle iron to make these cookies.

    Directions

    In a large bowl, combine the eggs, sugar and oil and mix until well combined. Add the flour, baking powder, fennel seeds, and optional ingredients if desired, and mix well to form a homogenous batter. Set aside at room temperature for 30 minutes.

    Heat the pizzelle iron until very hot. Pour 2 tablespoons of batter onto the iron, close it, and return to the heat. Cook until golden brown, about 2 minutes. Repeat until all the batter is used.

  10. Above recipe courtesy of Mario Batali.

    you can also use anisette.

    That is courtesy of my mother.

    ger

  11. I have to admit, Andy, that after trying Flipboard, my general reaction is, “What’s the point?” It doesn’t really do anything except take information I can get in other ways and mash it all together in a way that’s difficult to navigate and is also incomplete — you still have to go to the original sources, anyway, in order to read complete items. That doesn’t even get to the idea that Flipboard is basically just stealing other operation’s content and republishing it under its own banner.

    I’m calling this one a great big fail, I’m sorry to say.

    L.

  12. If you really want to hear some madness, when that Kashi cereal was first released it was called “From Kashi… To Good Friends.”

    Apparently nobody bought into the idea that the warm-hearted executives at Kashi feel so close to each and every customer that they really, really wanted them to know that this box of mass-marketed cereal comes from the heart.

    Their big, focus-grouped heart.

  13. Can I get a box of Polite Acquaintances instead? Or People Who Exchange Pleasantries in the Office but Know Not to Discuss Anything of Substance Because They Know Enough About Each Other to Understand That Such Discussions Would Lead to Awkwardness and a Lot of Pointless Arguing About Obama?

    Chirpy cereal boxes distract me from my morning newspaper.

    And by newspaper I mean browsing the web on my iPad to see what went off the tracks in the world since I went to bed.

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