We Are The Macworld

Macworld 10 Faculty Badge  455.jpg

Behold, the Conference Faculty badge for Macworld Expo 2010, featuring a whole mess of speaker portraits, faithfully and articulately executed by Nitrozac of “Joy Of Tech” fame.

My first reaction: “Hey, cool!’

My second reaction: “I wonder if I’m on there…”

My third reaction: “Yes I am. Specifically, ‘Yes, you are a loser for immediately looking to see if you’re on there’.”

My fourth reaction: “It sort of looks like someone decided to record a version of ‘We Are The World’ with Mac personalities.”

My fifth reaction: “I’m not in the first row, but I’m in the second row. I wonder how that might correlate, vis a vis the musicians who did the original ‘We Are The World’?”

I’m perfectly aware that I’m not Bruce Springsteen or Ray Charles. Still, it’s a fair question. Even more so when you realize that there are 21 people on the badge and (according to Wikipedia) 22 soloists on that record:

  • Lionel Richie
  • Stevie Wonder
  • Paul Simon
  • Kenny Rogers
  • James Ingram
  • Tina Turner
  • Billy Joel
  • Michael Jackson
  • Diana Ross
  • Dionne Warwick
  • Willie Nelson
  • Al Jarreau
  • Bruce Springsteen
  • Kenny Loggins
  • Steve Perry
  • Daryl Hall
  • Huey Lewis
  • Cyndi Lauper
  • Kim Carnes
  • Bob Dylan
  • Ray Charles

I think so long as I’m not Kim Carnes or Kenny Loggins, I could walk with my head held high.

The difficulties emerge if you open the field to everybody who sang in the chorus on that track:

  • Dan Aykroyd
  • Harry Belafonte
  • Lindsey Buckingham
  • Mario Cipollina
  • Johnny Colla
  • Sheila E.
  • Bob Geldof
  • Bill Gibson
  • Chris Hayes
  • Sean Hopper
  • Jackie Jackson
  • La Toya Jackson
  • Marlon Jackson
  • Randy Jackson
  • Tito Jackson
  • Waylon Jennings
  • Bette Midler
  • John Oates
  • Jeffrey Osborne
  • Anita Pointer
  • Ruth Pointer
  • Smokey Robinson

I’m sure you spotted the problem: yes, holy jumping Moses that’s a whole ****load of Jacksons in there, huh? It’s like a Wheel Of Fortune in which every fourth or fifth slot is “BANKRUPT.” The only smart move is not to even play. Being compared with Michael Jackson is kind of okay. Do let us acknowledge that the man was profoundly talented. But if were said to be “the Mac community’s equivalent of” any of the others, then that’d be the end of my career.

(Not because of any kind of shame. Because I’d become known as “that columnist who killed that guy who compared him to Tito Jackson.” It’s hard to bounce back from that kind of PR.)

23 thoughts on “We Are The Macworld”

  1. MJ was the KING OF POP… So you would be the KING OF MAC… not a bad thing Andy… Not a bad thing… Better that than being the James Ingram of tech don’t ya think?

  2. This was funny until I read “I think so long as I’m not Kim Carnes or Kenny Loggins, I could walk with my head held high.” and remembered that not three weeks ago someone told me that I looked like Kenny Loggins.

    Aw hell, this was funny.

  3. Yeah, there should be more mentions of ilene’s Hess list.

    Until then, Andy Ihnatko is the Dionne Warwick of Macworld.

  4. Andy,
    The first thing I did was look for you when I got my badge.

    Well, first I looked for Leo.
    But you were definetly second.

  5. Please tell me that you’ll share your speech about No Media in 2009. I’m really interested in your experiences, but I can’t make it to MacWorld this year!

  6. Well… which of the solo artists in We Are the World (orgional) have died? If it’s more than just Michael Jackson then we have problems.

  7. From your position in the second row, and looking at the single cover I found on Google, I think you’re Lionel Ritchie…

  8. Man,
    your talent in writing is fantastic and this anecdote of self paranoia is hilarious.
    If it was up to me, you would be right there in the front row!
    But again, structures are only a for those who accept it, and those who construct them. Not for one who knows his place and refuses to accept others ideas of order.
    Hang in there Alex, you rock!

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