Gone, Baby, Gone

Okay, Hotwire? I’m home. I’ve been home for months, now.

Colorado was fabulous, thanks for asking. And even after spending more than two dozen weeks of my life in San Francisco, this charming little port city is still an endless daisy chain of delights and charms to be discovered and enjoyed.

I applaud your gumption. But I’m really not “still looking for” a flight to Denver, seeing as I had been asking you about flights that would leave and return during the second week in April.

I admit, though, that it probably would have been wise to have rented a car for my trip to Urbana in late April, like you offered when I booked my flight. It costs me nothing to admit that. I guess you knew more about how inconvenient the 1.7 mile walk between the Student Union and the Ebertfest theater was going to be on a twice-daily basis. That said, isn’t a little bit passive-aggressive of you to keep asking and asking and asking if I’m interested in renting a midsize sedan for the cost of an economy? That was two months ago. Let it go!

And don’t take it personally that I stopped answering your phone calls five weeks ago, after you got me that great deal on a room in San Francisco’s upscale Union Square East area back in May. I’m grateful, honestly, I am. But I’ve put that part of my life (the “I need to book a place to stay during WWDC” phase) behind me. I know that breakups are hard. But every time you send me yet another email, asking if I’m still looking for a hotel room in downtown San Francisco, you’re just embarrassing yourself further, drawing out this process even longer, and making things even more awkward for both of us.

What I’m saying here is that the emails have to stop. Okay? Our relationship is over. I thought I’d made it clear that it was going to be an on-again, off-again sort of thing where we just satisfy some mutual needs. Maybe I just assumed we were on the same page.

Well, it doesn’t matter whose fault this is. Just stop emailing me. If you truly want to preserve whatever relationship we have left, just…just stop.

3 thoughts on “Gone, Baby, Gone

  1. John Fain

    I’m waaaay behind checking my RSS feeds but this article along with your MacBreak Weekly classic, “Leo is now defecating on the drink service cart,” was exactly the Andy Ihnatko (should be patented) brand of humor I needed at the end of a long and not so great week. Thank you.

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