Why, yes…I’m single. Why do you ask?

Part of my mandate here is to offer to you — free of charge — brilliant, foolproof ideas that will improve your life in glorious and material ways. I therefore am compelled to point out to you that if your significant other has been hinting that unless a wedding is in the offing, he or she is no longer willing to cover 50% of the household expenses and 80% of the sex, then the perfect solution is at hand.

Today’s the day. Propose. Now. Get the license. Find a priest or a justice of the peace or a Joan Rivers impersonator who’s been duly recognized by God and the state gambling commission to bind people together in matrimony. But get the nuptial banns shrinkwrapped and shipped before midnight.

Why? Because it’s February 29th: Leap Day. Tell your fiancee-of-the-afternoon that you find it delightfully appropriate be taking the next leap forward in the relationship on such a day (though please cover your bases and slip in phrases like “I’ve realized that I’m finally ready to be happy for the rest of my life”; that’s pure Tabasco).

But in truth you will be exercising Romulan-like cunning. For the rest of your married life, you have the perfect excuse for forgetting your anniversary: there is no February 29th. Which leaves you free to just try to get somewhere within a 9-iron of the date. Hit it by a week on either side (which sounds more than fair) and you’re still credited for the win.

There’s just one downside, of course: you’ll need to remember your actual anniversary once every four years. But with luck, the marriage will be over with by 2012 and you’ll be completely off the hook.

Yes, it’s a risk, but if you’re taking relationship advice from some tech dude’s blog, I like your chances.

13 thoughts on “Why, yes…I’m single. Why do you ask?”

  1. Wrong! A friend of mine did just that 16 years ago. He now regrets it, because unlike the rest of us (who are forced to buy something SPECIAL every 10 years) he has his regular anniversary every year on Feb 28 (his wife makes sure he doesn’t forget by dropping hints beforehand) AND a super-duper anniversary every 4. Think again…

  2. Well according to my Schott’s Almanac desk calendar (awesome Christmas gift from my fiancee), leap year have been associated with barren marriages, so you might want to wait until next year.

    Of course it also goes on to say that tradition has it that today is the one day when a woman can propose to a man. So maybe this post might be better aimed at the ladies in the audience.

    Although good luck having kids.

  3. Ihnatko this is sheer genius! I wish I had thought of this 10 (now almost 11) years ago when I got married!

  4. My wife and I chose April 1st for our wedding, which showed Klingon-like cunning, because if either of us forgets our anniversary we can always say “Ha ha, April Fools Day! You thought I forgot! But I totally didn’t! It was a joke!” I don’t see why this hasn’t caught on.

  5. I still think my anniversary (July 5) is pretty cool… though several people were unable to attend the wedding due to Independence Day travel plans, the holiday and resulting day off make for some nice celebrating (or at least gives me a whole day to go buy a present! :-P). And this year we get a three-day weekend…

  6. Dude?

    “tech dude and relationship adviser” Is THAT your title?

    What does it say on your business card?

    And can you call yourself a “tech dude?”

    Which is better:
    “Ihnatko? You know, that one tech dude”
    -or-
    “Ihnatko, You know, the Chicago Sun Times technology columnist”

    Dude

  7. I hope I wasn’t the only one that caught the subtle (yet totally cool) reference to The Big Lebowski.
    I personally prefer “The Dudester.” Has anyone seen my rug?

  8. Could you do it on Christmas? So, you just give her one present.

    Better yet: do it in her birthday!

    Double-cream-better-yet: pretend that you have Alzheimer and f*ck the presents altogether.

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