Live OscarBlogging – Chapter 4

Jon Stewart acknowledges the lameness of all the montages.

It’s like he’s reading this blog…introduces a montage salute to Minoculars and Periscopes. Okay, so maybe centering all of the clips on one thing isn’t always the best thing.

Keri Russell. I’m nostalgic for the days when a teen celebrity’s big scandal-inducing behavior was getting her long, trademark hair cut down to a sensible, short cut.

Next nominated song from “August Rush,” featuring a full choir. Reminds me of the choirs I was in during school. Where the director wanted us all in matching outfits but the school couldn’t afford to buy them so he’d just try to pick clothes we already owned. “White shirt and black pants, please. No, Navy isn’t Black, Ihnatko…that’s why they call it NAVY, yes?”

Man, what a dynamite kid singer they’ve got there. I hope she stays away from “American Idol” and TV and record deals. You hear her at 11 years old and you’re excited to think about how good she’ll be at 18, 19, 20, after more experience and study. If they try to make her into a star too soon, pfft, she stops growing as an artist and can have at best a sort of decent five-month career.

Live Action Short Films, intro’ed by Owen Wilson. Actually saw two of these but I’ve no ideas what could win. It goes to the French dude.

Winner is wearing a regulation tux. Wish he would have re-thought the Pee Wee Herman-scale necktie.

Jerry Seinfeld appearing as an animated caracter from “Bee Movie.” Here’s where we wonder where the “synergy” is. Like, you learn that ABC is owned by the same company that has a development deal with the distributors of “Bee Movie.”

Because for God’s sake…that movie sucked and nobody’s thinking of it.

I hope it’s “I Am The Walrus.” What a fabulous movie. Other nominees are the usually overly-freaky foreign animations, made by people who want to heal the world through their craft rather than actually make a good movie.

“Peter And The Wolf” wins, and I was about to say that it’s the exception. Very cool flick and not at all full of itself.

I will continue my annual tradition of complaining about the “wacky” movie they play when the winners approach the stage. Many of these flicks are pretty heavy in content. So what happens, sometimes, is that they play this goofy, slide-whistle music and then a man talks about how this film hopes to shed light on the hundreds of thousands of children sold into slavery and death each and every year in a horrendous trade that…

Annnnnnd it’s time for another pointless montage.

Clearly my Jedi mind powers are ineffective against Oscar producers. Probably because it’s such a hard-to-locate target…

“Best Supporting Actress,” presented by Alan Arkin. Bravo…I want to see more of him in any context possible. He’s like bacon. No matter how he’s used, he can’t help but improve the dish.

Ruby Dee — another “Well, gee, do you think we’ll ever get another chance to give her an Oscar?” sort of nominee. But this might be the rare chance for “Atonement” — a well-liked movie — to actually win something.

I actually hope it’s Amy Ryan. This was satisfying, meat-and-potatoes acting in “Gone, Baby, Gone.”

Tilda Swinton wins for “Michael Clayton,” and is in shock. Okay. She didn’t really make much of an impression on me, but good for her.

(Man alive…emerald-green eyes and fire-red hair. Give her a second Oscar, just for that.)

She earns more points for trying the extremely difficult “Funny Oscar Speech.” Almost always falls completely flat but she pulled it off admirably.

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