Snarking the Super Bowl: Part 2

Ultra-butch commercial for State Farm Insurance starts, praising offensive linemen. “You won’t see them prancing in the end zone, or preening for the cameras…” announcer says. Cannot prevent myself from finishing the sentence: “…just in front of the bedroom mirror when they’re trying on their wives’ underthings.”

Oh, joy: we get a valuable behind-the-scenes insight into Carlos Mencia’s process interpreting the role of “Bud Light pitchman” in his next commercial. F*** Julliard, man…this is dynamite stuff.

Samuel L. Jackson is too cool to be on this “red carpet” talking to Ryan Seacrest. But then again, is there anything he wouldn’t be too cool for?

“Sam? Jack Nicholson, here. It’s 1973 and me and Steve McQueen are doing tequila, mescaline, and six Playmates in a hot tub while listening to an advance acetate of an unreleased Who album. Yeah, I know…pretty lame. I just phoned to see what you were doing this weekend. I mean, I can be in 2008 LA in just an hour or two…”

Alicia Keyes is a treat, as always. I prefer seeing her at the keyboard rather than up front like an ordinary performer, but she always gets written into the Win column.

John Travolta told his wigmaker “Did you ever have a vintage GI Joe from the Seventies? You know, the full-sized ones?” If he had any real friends, they would have explained to him that when real hair is cut to a quarter inch or less, you really should be able to see scalp from certain angles.

Commercial in which man sells the advantages of the Chevy Hybrid to a bunch of 10-year-olds. Clearly didn’t learn Rule One of salesmanship: kids are deadbeats. Steer them into the leasing program instead of trying to sell them a $35,000 car.

Use of photo of Martin Luther King in the promo package for the Patriots’ perfect season seems a bit thick. I’m a Pats fan but I’m somewhat uncertain that going 18-0 into the Super Bowl is quite the same sort of accomplishment.

Have seen so many segments treating the Super Bowl as a mere formality for the 2007-2008 Patriots’ coronation as the greatest team in NFL history that I now actually think it’d be more exciting to see the Giants win.

NY coach Tom Coughlin looks enough like Rance Howard that he could really win this thing.

I never tire of Caliendo’s John Madden act.