Welcome once again to “Point/Counterpoint,” a forensic salon in which leading minds debate and illuminate some of the most challenging questions of our time, in equal time.
Today’s question: “Is Andy Ihnatko, in fact, a mature adult?”
Pro: In a corner of his bedroom there is a small pitcher in which he stores “non-negotiable” coinage. It contains pocket change deposited there after each of his many trips to foreign lands, a tangible document of his peripatetic nature and the many adventures that his successful career has brought him.
Con: It also contains an equal quantity of arcade tokens; “gaffed” coins for use in magic tricks; and squished novelty pennies.
Pro: Though it was the end of a 14-hour workday and he longed for bed, he nonetheless diligently performed nearly an hour’s worth of office cleaning, the better to stay ahead of the game.
Con: In the midst of said cleaning, he discovered a $400 device that he thought he’d returned to the manufacturer two months ago, following a 30-day review loan.
Pro: Concerned about the irregular hours he’s been keeping, and aware that a professional ethic is best served by a regular schedule, Andy has set a recurring alarm to wake him at the same time every morning. Even though he’s self-employed and thus is free to slumber on until his body wakes itself.
Con: This alarm clock is set to 9:30 AM.
Con: Even so, he turns it off and then goes right back to sleep.
Con: …Usually until about noon.
(Invoking the rarely-used Rule 12 of the Point/Counterpoint protocol, “Pro” elects to declare a 30-minute timeout in order to regroup.)