For Distance and Accuracy

The chief reason why I don’t own a cat? Well, I travel a lot and I live alone. I’d either have to keep fobbing little Tiddles off on other people, or just arrange for a vermin infestation so the cat can cheerfully fend for itself for a week or two.

Lower down on the list, though, there’s the fact that I work with all kinds of technology on a daily basis. And all too often, I have a day that’s so positively wretched that (**** it)…I might as well go out and watch an ice show just to make the day perfect.

Suffice to say that between midnight last night and three minutes ago when I sat down to write this, any cats I had in the house would have been kicked. I mean, the old saying has to come from somewhere, doesn’t it? Is kicking a cat one of those folk remedies that seems silly but which actually has some sort of proven therapeutic value?

Is there something about punting little Tiddles all the way into the next yard that releases endorphins or dopamine or something? Is PETA preventing us benefiting from the therapeutic breakthrough of a lifetime?

I wouldn’t put it past ’em. They’re a bunch of stinkers. Perhaps punting PETA people would prove to be positive?

And this is why I don’t have a cat. When I’m operating on 3 hours of sleep with much more work to get through before I can take a break, this sort of stuff makes some small sense.

5 thoughts on “For Distance and Accuracy”

  1. Two guys, walking in NYC. One sees a miniature poodle, and says, “I can kick that dog 2 yards..”
    “I can kick that dog 3 yards..”
    “I can kick that dog 5 yards..”
    “Kick! That! Dog!”

    Late, noticing a passed-out bum, one says, “I can piss on that bum from 3 feet..”
    “I can piss on that bum from 5 feet..”
    “I can piss…”

    That kind of day?

  2. Compassionate cat-lovers who could overlook the hypothetical suggestion of violence towards felines in your post would likely tell you that you wouldn’t need to kick a cat if you had lived with one long enough, and benefited from its presence.

    But that’s a generalization, like saying “people are nice!”

  3. In my defense, I do have a somewhat realistic life-sized stuffed Dalmatian sculpture in my office and while morally I had a free pass to literally kick the stuffing out of the thing, it didn’t even occur to me.

  4. Should your domestic situation change, I’d try a cat if I were you (not for kicking, of course!). As Moe says, they really are quite therapeutic. :)

  5. Son, buy a stuffed ‘big cat’ to match your Dalmatian. In the meantime, find some constructive ways to rid yourself of that anger management issue you have (MBW 54 @ 4:44). Don’t let MS Word send you to ER.

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