Dreamed last night that I was in a diner having lunch with Luciano Pavarotti (from his “Yes, Giorgio!” era, I think). The owner must have known we were coming because as a gag, they filled all of the booth’s various table dispensers — salt, pepper, sugar, hot chili flakes — with grated parmesan cheese. We had a good long laugh over that.
Check arrived. Waitress had written “$5” on the back of it and circled it with a smiley face. Luciano insisted on paying. We said our goodbyes and he left the table.
I thought it was a curiously handwritten bill so I turned it over and discovered that she’d written a suggested tip on the back of the actual check. Lunch had actually come to a very reasonable $35. I counted out two twenties and thought “You know, this would have been a much funnier ending if this dream took place in a fancy restaurant, and we ordered all kinds of expensive wines on top of everything else.”
I guess I was still thinking about something funny that happened during my weekend in New York. I had dinner on Friday night with a good pal and in the midst of chatting about a mutual friend, she said “You know about Transveldiana’s secret, right?”
Well, of course. When she accepted her new job, Transveldiana (not her real name) told me about it right away. But at that point, she was only telling her friends.
I nodded and employed the third variant of the “Yes; by all means, go on” gesture.
This was when I discovered that Transveldiana actually had more than one secret.
I should quickly point out that she wasn’t sewing a Mickey Mouse costume from the skins of kidnapped Disneyland employees. It was actually fantastic news. But I suddenly found myself in an episode of “Frasier.” Do I let on that she had accidentally spilled the beans, and stop her from telling me anything else? Or do I save her the embarrassment?
Well, no harm was done. I hadn’t iChatted with Transveldiana in a while so I pinged her when I got back home. She told me everything, without being prodded. Hey, when you’re just one more session away from completing an ambitious full-back tattoo of the movie poster from “Ice Castles” with Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy taking the place of Robby Benson and Lynn-Holly Johnson, you want to tell the whole world.