Finish Him!!!

Had a brilliant idea today: a “Mortal Combat”-style fighting game in which all of the combatants are not particularly noted for being physically intimidating, to the point of downright milquetoastery.

Playable characters include:

  • Eddie Deezen
  • Mr. Bean
  • George Costanza
  • Pee-Wee Herman
  • Paul Lynde
  • Rick Moranis (as Louis Tully from “Ghostbusters”)
  • Larry David
  • Woody Allen
  • Dr. Smith from “Lost In Space”
  • Milhouse Van Houten
  • Don Knotts (as Barney Fife)
  • Don Knotts (as Ralph Furley) (Unlockable player)
  • Niles Crane
  • John Waters
  • Arnold Horshack
  • Clark Kent (in the presence of Lois Lane) (before she learned that he’s Superman)
  • Charles Nelson-Reilly
  • The black guy from “Designing Women”
  • Moby
  • Arnold Stang
  • The middle guy from “Blue Man Group”
  • Mel Cooley (from “The Dick Van Dyke Show”)
  • Matthew Broderick
  • David Spade
  • Dick Cavett
  • Patton Oswalt (as Spence on “The King Of Queens”)
  • Patton Oswalt (as himself)

Most common fighting style: lots of slapping, not many shots landing because combatant has his other arm wrapped around his head, eyes clamped shut, most of upper body twisted as far away from fight as possible. AKA Boku Nerd Floating Monkey-Style.

Typical fatalities: Curling up in defensive fetal position and accidentally tumbling off of fighting platform; crying so hard that combatant passes out from dehydration; dropped asthma inhaler.

2 thoughts on “Finish Him!!!”

  1. Great idea. Now to find a foolish software company to make it.
    First fight for me would be George Costanza vs Niles Crane. George’s special move might be making Niles sit on a Bar stool…

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